Frosty Skies
by ShadowedFrost
Summary: One kit, one life. Two injuries, two attackers. Mentally broken, physically torn. Partly abused, partly loved. Close to death. Why, why me? Follow the story of a neglected kit as she journeys through a life with a life threatening mental illness.
1. Prologue

**Ooh!**

Barkpaw trotted carefully up a small moonlit path. Brightleaf was taking him to the moonstone! It was always exciting to meet with the other clans' medicine cats.

He loved the dreams StarClan gave him.

The dusty path led to the top of a rocky mountain. At the top, stood three other pairs of medicine cats and their apprentices. Barkpaw was practically squealing inside.

Everyone was silent when they met up. Brightleaf signaled that they should enter the moonstone's cave, so they did. Barkpaw knew what to do. When they got to the stone, he gently padded up to it, and lay down. His nose touched a small section of it, and he fell asleep.

oooooooooooo

Barkpaw was in StarClan! His rough brown paws loved the feel of the silk soft grass. He never wanted to leave. Soon enough, he found himself trotting toward a milky white shecat with orange and black speckles, who he recognized as Spottedleaf.

Was it THE Spottedleaf? What an honor!

"Barkpaw." Her voice was golden.

He dipped his head respectfully. "Greetings, Spottledleaf."

"I have a message for you, young one."

"Go on." Barkpaw was about to explode. Why tell him the message? Why not an experienced cat, who could interperate it properly, not a new medicine cat!

"Alright. There is an incoming danger to ShadowClan. A cat will be born, in a litter of four. It's fur white, eyes frost blue. About a moon after, she will be damaged in a critical manor, by doing of a dark force. Soon after, she will be neglected by her seemingly loving mother. The kit will develop two illnesses never seen by a medicine cat before, but was only handled by the paws of StarClan. One is called Reletia, the other Aserium. I need you, and you only, to watch the cat grow. She should have Aserium when the injury takes place, and the effects of Reletia around mid Apprenticeship."

Barkpaw took in a breath. That is a lot to take in. An unseen illness by cats? Only for him? How could he do it on his own?


	2. Chapter 1

**Hello! I couldn't continue my previous story due to lack of ideas. But from reading other stories, I think I have a good idea.**

**Here I go!**

My breath was heavy. There were loud mews echoing around the stone den. Where was I? What was going on? I heard my own breathing.

"Be careful," somecat warned, seemingly close to me. "She's delicate." There were teeth grasped on my scruff, the tiny skin pinching under the pressure. I was in pain, but that didn't matter now. I wanted, no, needed, to know where I was. The small body of mine was constantly being moved, large paws picking up herbs and placing them in various scattered places across my body. Why? Why was this happening?

"Cobweb."

"Marigold."

"Juniper."

"Honey."

"Celandine."

"Poultice."

I couldn't move, I couldn't fight back. The leafy substances felt weird against my dirty fur. Where was my mother? Where was Mistkit, Silverkit, and Moonkit? Where was Whitetail? I had already heard Brightleaf's voice when she said herb names, which slightly comforted me.

A loud snarl. "Stop! Let me see my daughter! She's... mine!" An escalating voice sounded outside the den.

"Cloudheart, no! Frostkit needs help. Let them do what they need do. You saw what happened, she needs to recover."

Who is Frostkit? One of my denmates? If she was the one in supposed trouble, why do I get shoved around like it's urgent? Does it have anything to do with me? Hopefully not.

"Brightleaf, we've done all we can do. Let her rest."

"Barkpaw, she is still unresponsive, we have to get her back with us! She is a kit, she isn't ready for a trip to StarClan!"

An unfamiliar scented paw was placed in front of my muzzle, as if to block something. "No," his voice was a pathetic attempt to show authority.

I felt my body release a shiver.

Brightleaf jumped. "She moved! She moved!" She hollered.

"Hush! Let the kit sleep!" Barkpaw scowled at the medicine cat.

My heavy breath slowed down. Now it was just a louder variation of regular breathing. My head ached, and my jaw felt unusual. My right paw and tail felt most of the pain. I still was puzzled though. What... happened?

I felt a paw prod at my flank. "Frostkit!" The voice was light. "Frostkit, wake up!"

I didn't budge. I was awake, but how could I show it? My mind was awake, but my body wasn't. I'm just stupid, aren't I? I'm stupid like Cloudheart calls me.

I held my breath and twitched. I wanted to curl in a ball and sob the day away, but Cloudheart... I want to make her happy. But how? Whitetail is happy around me, but he is always away. Moonkit told me he was a deputy. What is a deputy?

"Frostkit!" Two paws were abruptly shaking me, but I couldn't. I tried, honestly, but couldn't. Get me out of this nightmare! Leave me alone! I mustered all of my strength and curled myself in to a ball and shut my eyes tighter than ever before.


	3. Chapter 2

**Hehe! The ideas... :P**

A gentle paw lay on my side, feeling the steady ups and downs.

"She's doing good, Cloudheart, but she won't be able to..."

"No, stop there. Don't tell me. I don't even want her anymore. She's useless!"

"Cloudheart!"

Oh, but she went on. Right in front of my face.

"She doesn't speak, she doesn't move, she doesn't eat! She isn't a real cat!"

Barkpaw's eyes darkened. "She has a tail," he growled. "She has whiskers, she has teeth. Do twolegs have tails and whiskers?"

"No, but cats talk. Cats eat. Cats act alive! All she wants is attention. Get her away from me!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A small chunk of wet moss was tossed in front of my tiny twisted muzzle. I made an effort to lap at it, but with the damage I suffered through, it was almost impossible to get my tongue farther out than a small blade of grass. A brown paw pushed it in my face, and I purred.

It's been a moon, and I still don't know what happened. Maybe they're waiting until I can talk?

My mommy hasn't talked to me in a long time, but Moonkit hasn't given up! He is really nice. He helps me with my excersizes, by making me stretch my right paw and jaw to play mossball! It hurts a lot, but in the end it really is worth it.

My jaw feels weird.

I usually spend my days attempting to mewl, and drinking water. Barkpaw tries to get me to eat mice but I can't bite it. I think my teeth don't like mice fur! I was rolling around, when I heard a voice.

"Hey, Frostkit?"

I perked my ears in acknowledgment.

"I want you to try something. Can you move your paw?"

I rolled over and faced him. I wiggled my front paws.

"Good. Now, can you... apply pressure?"

I did, and winced. "Why are you doing this Barkpaw?"

His kind face gazed at me. "It's called therapy, Frostkit. It will help you get used to your paw and your jaw. I..." He cut himself off. Why? I think I'm old enough to know... I'm halfway to six moons! Almost an apprentice!

"Tell me!" I squealed. I felt a sudden rush of fright. What was wrong with me? My face wasn't a smile anymore.

"Well, it's just that Brightleaf and I have found something. A slight... mutation... in your brain. You were twitching in your sleep, your breathing is often shallow, you don't eat, your mother... neglects you, I mean, you even suffer memory loss. For almost seven sunrises you couldn't remember your own name."

I couldn't fully grasp the concept of this. "What is a mutation?"

Barkpaw giggled as I tilted my head, my oversized ears flopping over my head. "It's a defect."

"What is a defect?"

"A problem."

"Why do I have such a big problem?"

"Something tragic happened to you a few moons ago, and since your a kit, you're still growing."

"If I'm still growing, can't my growing cover the hurt spots?"

Barkpaw sighed. "Sadly, it doesn't work that way, my friend."

I stopped pressuring my paw and flopped to the ground. My paw hurt!

There was an awkward silence between us as I closed my eyes and took in what was going on. Barkpaw soon spoke up.

"Um, Frostkit?"

I looked at the brown tom.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Okay."

"You are going to experience something that I've never witnessed before, but it's still taught to medicine cats."

"Is it weird?"

"Yes, it's weird. Its something called Aserium and Reletia."

"Those are really big words, Barkpaw!"

A small grin grew on his face. "Aserium is something that makes you act silly. I don't think you'll be getting much sleep, but you will still have energy. You will... see things. Have you ever seen things before?"

"I see you! I see the den! I see herbs! I see-"

"No, not that way, silly. Have you ever seen things along with the real stuff? Like somecat, but you can't touch it?"

_Say no._

I looked around awkwardly, trying to find where that came from. "N-no."

_Good little kit._

"Well, it could've not developed yet. You are still young! You may not be able to express your thoughts as easily, and your speech may be delayed."

I raised my good paw and scrated behind my ear. "But, like... why?"

"Huh?"

"Why... why me? Why not Moonkit, o-or... Mistkit and Silverkit! Why do I have the silly jaw and hurt paw.. why can't I be normal? Why do I have to deal with the... the head stuff? The... the mu... the mutation!" My voice was high pitched and desperate. I wanted this to go down with someone else nice. I didn't want to be the only one.

"Because, Frostkit, we are ShadowClan cats. One moon after you were born, we were ambushed by a large group of ThunderClan cats. Their patrol leader thought it would be smart to sabotage the kits and take one or two. So, a clumsy warrior and a young apprentice decided to take the risk and grab you and your sister, Mistkit. Your mother had woken up due to the noise, and the apprentice who held her was near. She could reach him, so she stood and swatted at him, around his neck. That really hurts a cat! He yowled from the pain and dashed off, knocking in to the warrior while he ran. The warrior was very clumsy, and his grip on your scruff was loose. He dropped you, right on your tiny head. He made a big effort to get you again, while dodging your mother's swipes, but she was still bigger from having kits, so she was too slow to land many. He had dropped you about three times when his claw gouges were of a great pain, and he left you, lying on the ground whimpering. You had a little bump on your head, but in the morning when we looked through the den, Mistkit was fine. You had a good amount of scratches, and more than just a headache. Your jaw was twisted from landing on it in a bad way, and your paw was missing a patch of skin with dirt and dust in it, along with a tear going down your leg on to its muscle. You weren't bleeding much, it was just a little rip. But since you were a small little kit, it was a big deal..."

My face held an unreadable expression.

Barkpaw bent his head down slightly. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, briskly. "I just want to rest. I can't believe that no one told me... no one told me any of this... this foxdung!" My eyes teared up. If only I could run away, but my right paw... I couldn't move it enough to stand. If only I could bury my face in my paws, but my jaw... everything I wanted to do conflicted with my past.

Am I going insane?


	4. Chapter 3

I was scared.

It's really dark.

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

I see things.

Correction, I'm seeing things.

I hear things.

I'm... 'not a real cat'.

My siblings don't even talk to me.

Why am I still in the medicine den? I thought I was better a moon ago. I still need to take herbs everyday and some weird therapy. Barkpaw told me I could leave soon and become an apprentice with my brothers and sister... now it seems like that's just my own imagination.

Maybe I just saw that. Maybe it was just my screwed up minds. Like my mother likes to say, I'm not a real cat. I'm just 'disturbed'.

I think my mother is right. I don't belong here. I shouldn't even be in this den.

I'm. Not. A. Cat.

Barkpaw trotted in, to see me whimpering with my eyes shut tighter than he's ever seen. He rushed to me. "What's wrong, Frostkit? Please, tell me!"

"I'm not a cat! I see things, my mind is broken! I hear things, I can't move, I can't eat, I can't live!''

Barkpaw's expression showed something I had never seen in him before; fear.

"Cheer up, Frostkit! You are a cat. Don't listen to what anyone else says, you are worth it. Just because you can do things that others can't doesn't mean that you are unwanted or unreal. You, yes, you, are unique!"

That didn't help me.

"I don't want to be unique! I want to be normal, like the typical cat! Don't start this!"

Barkpaw heaved a sigh. "Now, Frostkit, wait here. I need to talk to Brightleaf."

He quickly bounded off, leaving me to wallow in my own fright. I took a quick action and tried to tune in to Barkpaw, as he was just outside the den, where Brightleaf was sorting herbs.

"Frostkit is already experiencing Reletia, Brightleaf."

I heard a couple leaves drop softly to the ground.

"How?! That wasn't supposed to come until apprenticed!"

"Remember, she's a moon away."

"Ugh. What symptoms?"

"Along with her symptoms of Aserium, she's having attention and judgement issues, and her mood keeps switching."

Am I really such a big deal?

No.

So why do all of this, just to ensure my mental health is perfect? It's mouse brained. At least to me.

I heard a heavy paw drop to the ground. "Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope."

"This cant be real. She's too young for those!"

"Dont tell me she won't be able to become an apprentice on time."

"Oh, she can become an apprentice." Brightleaf held a worried tone in her voice. "She just will have to... take it easy and regularly check with us."

"Alright, I'll go tell her." I heard him turn on his paws and bounce in toward me.

"Welcome back, I heard everything."

Barkpaw flattened his ears. "You aren't even excited that you'll be apprenticed in a moon with your siblings?"

"You never told me I wouldn't be, so I just expected it!" I snapped, surprised at my own tone soon after.

He sighed. "Well, I'll leave you be, Frostkit. Remember to try to eat."

I twitched my ear in acknowledgment and settled down the best I could, avoiding the little pain the cat with setting my jaw down. The pain in my paws had eliminated a few days ago.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooòooooooooooooo

Stonestar, the leader of ShadowClan, leaped on top of the Highledge. "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey, gather here under the Highledge for a clan meeting!"

Steadily, I made it over. My paw was still wobbly. Today was my apprentice ceremony. Hopefully Whitetail talked to Stonestar and I get a good mentor. I don't want to be stuck with a mentor that let's me out easily just because I'm... different.

I watched as my siblings teetered out, Cloudheart smoothing their fur. Why doesn't she like me?

Moonkit, Silverkit, and Mistkit stood next to eachother at the base of the Highledge, watching me with a disgusted face. Why does... why does no one like me?

"Today, we have four able kits ready to be apprenticed. First, I would like to call upon... Mistkit." Stonestar beckoned her forward with a flick of his tail. She leaped up in a mess of paws.

"Mistkit, you have reached the age of six moons and are ready to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you recieve your warrior name, you will be known as Mistpaw. Your mentor will be Darkwing. I hope he will pass down all he knows to you."

Soon enough, Mistpaw, Silverpaw, and Moonpaw were standing next to me.

"Frostkit, please come up. Take all the time you need."

I flattened my ears in embarrassment. I took a few moments to get up.

"Frostkit, you are six moons old now, and after conversing with a few different warriors and the medicine cats, we have come to an agreement. You can become an apprentice, but you must visit the medicine den every morning before training and you may not partake in battles for two moons. Do you accept to these terms?"

I was silent for a moment.

"Yes." My voice echoed throughout the hollow.

"Then from this moment on, you shall be known as Frostpaw. Your mentor will be Thunderstrike. I hope he will pass down everything he knows down to you."

Thunderstrike rose. His broad dark grey shoulders stood out the most as he strode toward the Highledge, patiently waiting for me to waddle down. I eventually got there and touched noses. I then turned around, standing by Moonpaw. His silver fur contrasted against my light-gray-and-white fur.

"If anyone has any objections to the actions made, please speak now."

A creamy white shecat rose almost immediately, yowling to the sky.

"I disagree of Frostpaw's apprenticeship!" She yowled. A few gasps rippled throughout the crowd, one of them being my own.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hi! I just wanted to note in here, if you have any questions, post it in a review please! I'll either respond on here or in a PM! Thanks! **

**'**'And why?" The great gray leader replied, his voice echoing throughout the hollow.

"Look at her, Stonestar! She's all skin and bone, she can barely walk, she doesn't eat... her mind is broken!"

I screwed up my face. My own mother was opposing my apprenticeship. I knew she didn't like me and all, but I thought she'd grow to eventually accept her little failure of a daughter.

"Cloudheart, that isn't a qualifying reason to stop her from becoming an apprentice, sorry. She needs to learn someday. Does anyone else want to speak up?"

"Me!" Cloudheart screamed. Her persistence eventually got to the point where it scared me. "If she isn't held back, I'll just stop her myself."

Stonestar stood up, his muscular figure accented by the fading sunlight. "Cloudheart." His voice was powerful. He bounded down the rock and stood by me. "Don't do something you'll regret."

The fluffy white shecat shook her head. "It has to be done!"

"I said stop, so you stop."

She didn't respond, but she just started weaving through the crowd of gasping cats, just realizing what was going on.

My heart was racing. My tiny, weak self wouldn't be able to hold off a full sized warrior... how could I defend myself, if Stonestar couldn't? I only have one good paw, my jaw is kind of stronger but not enough to break through anything. Not enough to defend.

I'm dead meat.

But then, like a light in the dark, a light gray shecat stuck out her leg, as Cloudheart was sprinting past, making her trip over her paws.

I was sure my mother just got a mouthful of dirt.

"Nice one, Sootpaw!" Stonestar called out.

I heard her chuckle and stand. She was a bigger cat, but still a young apprentice, I'd guess nine moons. Cloudheart was struggling to get up, and Sootpaw made the move and shoved a wide paw on my mother's back.

"Get off me!" She yowled. Sootpaw looked at Stonestar.

"Cloudheart, I must say. I'd have never expected something of the sort from you. You used to be a loyal warrior, and now you lack warrior qualities. Was it all because of that stupid invader that hurt your daughter, or is there something else in this story? It could go either way, my dear Cloudheart. Don't take your paws off of her, Sootpaw."

She nodded at her leader and looked down at the creamy warrior.

"It had nothing to do with that idiot! It was all her fault! If she hadn't mewled so loudly, they wouldn't have heard her and made me bust my hind quarters trying to get her AND her sister back! Her sister was lucky, she wasn't! SHE DID IT ON HER OWN!"

Stonestar held a look of shock on his face. "Cloudheart. I don't want to do this, but I am going to keep a guard watching you at all times."

My eyes widened. A guard?

"Release her."

Sootpaw raised her paw off the cat's back.

Cloudheart just lay there, twitching. She was breathing heavier than normal. "A... a guard?"

Stonestar padded over to her and bent his head down to be level with hers.

All of the sudden, Cloudheart sprang up, latching her claws inside of her leaders flesh. She was yowling and screeching.

My face expressed such a horror that even I couldn't interperate. My mother had done this, blaming everything that went wrong, all on me.

But... why?

I couldn't help that I was hungry at a later time.

I couldn't control my mew.

I didn't know we were getting invaded.

Well, her argument could be invalid, propaganda is a thing, right?

I think so...

Stonestar had gotten her off him, and Sootpaw leaped in. Her paws had Cloudheart pinned to the ground, she was surprisingly strong against a full grown warrior.

"Stop fighting," Sootpaw hissed in Cloudheart's ear, "and listen to what your leader has to say!"

Stonestar smiled briefly at Sootpaw, and then looked sternly at Cloudheart. "I was only going to put you on watch for a short term, but now I'm thinking I should stop being so lenient."

My eyes were glued on to the leader.

"For your crimes against your clan and the warrior code you've sworn in to, I have made a decision. You, Cloudheart, have tried to kill your own daughter for something she couldn't have stopped. You, Cloudheart, have took an attempt at attacking and defying your leader. You, Cloudheart, are now exiled."

Whitetail was the only one in shock. Not of the words the leader have spoken, not of the defense put up against his mate, but what his mate had accused and took initiative in.

And I was still the one at fault.

Knowing my family, I'm going to be bullied. A lot.

And I wont have anyone but the medicine cats to help me through it.

What a lovely world.

"What?" Cloudheart growled. "You can't just exile me for trying to stop my own daughter from getting a mentor! She doesn't deserve one! She almost killed her sister! She's_ stupid!_ Look at her!"

Sootpaw decided to do something she would have never though she'd be going against a clanmate. "Cloudheart," she snarled. "You... you are no longer a clanmate. Get out of this camp before I will have to force you."

I could see the struggle Sootpaw was going through. Her mind still sees Cloudheart as a clanmate but her body doesn't.

"I said," Sootpaw's voice was shaking. "Get. OUT."

Sootpaw shoved the creamy white cat. Cloudheart hissed and bounded off, yowling as she went. "I'll kill you, Frostkit! I'll kill you all!"

I could see a single tear whip off of her pelt.

What a beautiful sight it was.

"Now," Stonestar cleared his throat. "I conclude the apprentice ceremony. May StarClan light your paths, all of you, in getting rid of that horrid scene. Frostpaw, Mistpaw, Silverpaw, and Moonpaw, you will be staying in the apprentice den tonight."

I nodded, briskly at that. I didn't want to be near anyone. If only I didn't exist, none of that would have happened. My mother would still be in the clan, my father would still have a mate, my siblings wouldn't have no mother.

I trotted slowly to the apprentice den and noticed it was dusk. I guess I should sleep, Thunderstrike might be starting my training tomorrow.

"Hey, Frostpaw," Moonpaw said as he passed me. "Nice going. Now we all don't have a mother."

"Yea, nice going Frostpaw." That was Mistpaw.

"Thanks for letting us experience such a tragedy." Silverkit.

I closed my eyes, trying to shrink away.

"You can't escape from this, Frostpaw."

"No, her name is Frostkit, like mommy wanted."

"Yea! Frostkit! She's small like a kit too!"

A single tear slipped down my face.

"Smallkit! Smallkit!"

"Small-l-l-lkit!"

"Haha! Tinykit!"

They all were spitting in my face, kicking dust at me, and laughing. I figured, and me being the mutant freak I am couldn't defend myself.

"Ha-ha! Go groom your disgusting pelt now, mouse brain!"

Silverkit spit in my muddy fur and extended his paw, rubbing it in.

"Groom your pelt, but you'll never be able to groom your mind!"

I felt... I felt a claw tear through my leathery skin, the blood already saturating the small area.

"Hey!" A golden voice exploded out of a corner somewhere behind me, and I heard heavier pawsteps then a new apprentice.

Then I smelled Sootpaw.

"Get away from her! Let her be!"

My paw really hurt.

I heard a hiss.

"Fine! But first..." Two heavy kicks landed on my jaw, one on my right paw. "Bye, Smallkit!"

_Thwomp-thwomp. Thwomp-thwomp. Thwomp-thwomp. _They were gone.

Sootpaw's muzzle got closer to mine. "It's okay to be hurt, Frostpaw."

I opened one eye to see her gently licking the blood and dirt out of my fur. She saw me and I shut it quickly.

I began to whimper, and then the pain set in. I yowled with all my lungs, and Sootpaw's fur raised. "Brightleaf! Barkpaw!"

Her ears were raised and her pelt fluffed out like she was twice her actual size. "Help! Frostpaw needs help!"

I heard paws rushing towards me, and a remembrance of what happened to me as a kit occured.

_Is this real? Or just... deja vu?_

_Celandine, Marigold, Juniper, Cobweb, etcetera... it.. it's real. It's real, Frostpaw, it's real!_

"Hurry!"

"I'm working as fast as I can, Barkpaw!"

Funny thing, I scented another cat, one I wasn't familiar with. It could be... Sandwillow, Foxblaze, or Thunderstrike.

Thunderstrike? My mentor?

Probably...

"What's goint on? I heard Frostpaw's name and I came to help."

A deep voice. Definitely Thunderstrike then.

"Look at her!"

A rush of silence passed through.

"I can tell I won't be able to help. Please give me a proper report in the morning. Thank you."

Pawsteps.

"Marigold, Poppy Seeds, and Chamomile."

After I managed to get a few of those herbs shoved down my throat, I fell asleep.

oooooooooooo oooooooooooo oooooooooooo oooooooooooo oooooooooooo oooooooooooo

"Frostpaw."

I felt a paw gently laying on my flank.

"Frostpaw, wake up."

I opened my eyes and yawned. I looked inquisitively at the light gray cat I barely knew as Sootpaw stooping above my head.

"You're all better now. Do you want to know what happened?"

I nodded, my jaw still tender so I figured I shouldn't talk.

"Your... your siblings 'bullied' you, by scratching you, feeding you dirt, staining your pretty white pelt, calling you names. You were really hurt, especially your jaw. Barkpaw said you shouldn't talk for today and tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded carefully.

I can't trust anyone anymore, can I?

"Don't worry, Frostpaw, you can trust me."

Did she read my mind or something? Thats crazy.

"But I have to go out on a hunting patrol. Barkpaw will be in to talk to you in a little while." She gave me a soft smile, and I gave a petty attempt to smile back.

She chuckled and rose out of her position, padding out.

I closed my eyes, trying to rest.

I only rested for about five moments until Barkpaw strode in, carrying Brightleaf's scent on him.

"Hi, Frostpaw. Did she tell you?"

I nodded gently, still being careful.

"I can see your trying not to hurt your jaw. Do you want some poppy?"

I couldnt nod. But, somehow, Barkpaw took it as a yes and dropped two seeds in front of my muzzle. I parted my jaw in the slightest and lapped them up.

"Sootpaw stayed up all night for you. What a nice friend, sitting by you all night, not even getting a bed for herself. She's a really good cat, Frostpaw. You should stay with her."

Yea, what a really good friend.

A temporary friend.

Like all of my other "friends".

"Now Frostpaw, I need you to listen to me."

I shifted so my ears weren't as... plugged, let's say.

"You aren't a kit anymore, you know that. So, I need you to understand what comes with your illness. You need to start eating. If you don't get enough to eat, you will start have illusions, memory loss, and random fits. We have talked with Thunderstrike and you won't be disciplined as hardly, but if you eat properly your Aserium and Reletia will be limited only to minimal of all the three. Sadly we can not prevent any of it, there isn't a known herb. But the things you recieve here will help, in the morning. If you eat right you will still have all three of them, but like I said a moment ago, to the minimum amount. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

Great. Now, I'm insane, crazy, AND delusional.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hi! I've been getting some positive reviews, and I'd really like to take the time to say... thank you! **

**I'm still heavily in need of OC's! Send them in on my other story. You'll know which one, heh. **

**Chapter 5 begins! **

**I'm also looking for a Co writer as this story gets more popular. If anyone is interested, just put it in a review or pm me. Thanks!**

**Allllso, vote on my poll! It's on my profile. You can decide what my next story will be! **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My jaw hurts.

But it's morning. And I'm awake.

Herbs that taste like fox dung are coming my way! Woo hoo.

I got up, careful not to disturb my 'family' and Sootpaw and Flamepaw, a white and ginger shecat.

I trotted slowly out. Still had to be gentle.

"Barkpaw?" I whispered, poking my head in to the quietden.

A brown head peeked out, his eyes lighting when he saw me. Why?

"Frostpaw! I have your herbs ready. Come in."

I padded in carefully.

Barkpaw was nose deep in a pile of herbs.

"I thought you said they were ready." My voice was still low.

"Things sometimes get lost, Frostpaw."

I sighed. That's an obvious statement but I best not talk back on my first day of apprenticeship.

"Here," he put out three small herbs, and I bent down to eat them, reluctantly.

"Remember, Frostpaw, you need to go easy with Thunderstrike today. You'll be ready for heavy training in about two moons. Your paw is already feeling better, right?"

I nodded.

"Then go straighten up your bedding and wait for your mentor to be awake. Have a good training session, Frostpaw."

I nodded at him and walked off.

What a bitter taste those herbs left. Well, I guess its alright if it's helping me get better.

I spent a little while clearing the stray hairs out of my bedding, when I scented my mentor.

"Frostpaw?" His dark gray head sneaked in, surprised to see me up and about.

I turned my attention on to him.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, I was just going to wake you up for training. I'm surprised the others haven't been put on a dawn patrol."

A small chuckle escaped my mouth. "Yea."

"So, shall we go explore the territory?"

I looked at him with wide eyes and nodded quickly.

"Then, let's go!"

I stepped over the other apprentices after him.

I couldn't believe I was going to explore the territory! Hopefully nothing goes wrong.

"Have you gotten your herbs?"

"Yea."

"Good, then we can leave now."

The brisk leaf-fall air felt nice on my pelt. It somehow invigorated me.

I trotted out of camp right beside him, our pawsteps almost matched.

" 'll heading straight to the Burnt Sycamore first."

Half of the day consisted of exploring the territory. Soon they went back to the Northplains to cover the hunting crouch.

"Alright. Are you ready to learn, Frostpaw?"

Of course I was ready to learn. Why did he even have to ask?

I nodded eagerly.

"Then get in to your best hunting crouch, let's work off of what you can already do."

I crouched down, spacing my paws and focusing my weight in the back. I lifted my tail so when I stalked a piece of prey my tail wouldn't drag and shuffle the leaves.

"That's good for starters. Here,"

He nudged my front paws forward. "Bend your hind legs further."

I did as told.

"Good! Now try moving forward."

I did, and completely lost form.

"Try again."

I got back in to the crouch and he only had to fix my front right paw, which was still weak.

"Go on," he puffed quietly.

I stalked forward, the only part losing form was my right front paw, which would make sense. I'm so used to limping that the moment I actually need to use it, it just does whatever it wants.

"Good, good! Tomorrow, let's mainly focus on strengthening your paws. I'm assuming they're weak from your incidents as a kit?"

I nodded. At least I thought they were from my kit times.

We continued until the sunlight began to fade, the only remaining light hitting the ground in a way that captivated me.

"Alright. I think you need to go excersize your jaw and eat. Try something small, like a mouse. Let's head back to camp. If you ever wake up early like you did this morning, come and get me. I'll be happy to go on a border patrol."

A border patrol? Really? Sounds fun.

I nodded enthusiastically.

We began trotting to camp. The trek home was a lot harder than the journey out, considering how tired I was from exploring the whole territory and trying out the hunting crouch for a while.

When I got back to camp, I was greeted by Sootpaw. "How was your first day of training, Frostpaw?"

"Fun," I replied, "we took a peek around the territory and I learned the hunting crouch."

"Whoa, that's a lot for your first day!"

A small chuckled escaped from me. "Yea, I guess so. Now, I'm gonna go get something to eat."

''Okay. Bye, Frostpaw!"

I turned and twitched my ear in acknowledgment.

I padded to the middle of the camp, where the fresh kill pile lay. I picked out a mouse quickly and went to settle in a patch of sunlight outside of the apprentice den.

I tore a small chunk out of it, taking it's small bones out.

I hesitantly bent down a nibbled a chunk out of it, my jaw suddenly stinging in pain. I chewed and swallowed it quickly.

Great StarClan, that hurt. Hopefully it isn't like this forever.

Almost out of nowhere, I felt a giant rush of anger.

Why does this bad of things only happen to me? My own mother hated me enough to be exiled over trying to kill me, my siblings had bullied me in to paranoia and even hurt me. That had to mean that I...

My mood suddenly changed.

It must mean theirs something wrong with me.

I began to whimper, attracting some attention. A calico shecat named Sharpclaw looked at me, her eyes soft.

I looked away, avoiding contact with every cat around me. I arose and strode to my den, where I could rest in peace.

I only managed to eat one bite of my mouse.

Sad, isn't it?


	7. Chapter 6

**Hello! This is gonna be an important ****chapter, beware!**

**Thanks, again, for all of the positive feedback I'm still looking for a Co writer, but I have some ideas already ;)**

**Go on my profile and vote on my poll! It means a lot to me! Sorry for not doing my usual daily upload, my sister had her sixteenth birthday and school exams are ruthless! **

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My eyes fluttered. Was I awake... again?

I honestly hated the misery the world puts me through, but I have to bear with it like every other misery driven cat.

It was really hard, but I'm not special. I'm not some extraordinary cat that can change the past and future, not a cat that can change the course of anything I pleased.

But, oh great StarClan, I wish I was.

Hastily, I churned my paws and kicked at my bedding, trying to get up without causing a rush of pain to my weaker paw. I think not hurting in the morning will help me at training. Maybe.

Herbs.

Herbs are the things that help. Other than leaving such a heavy, thick taste in my mouth until sunhigh, just like the fowl taste of the assure at the carrionplace, they helped.

I finally got up, after several attempts.

Sadly, I couldn't stop the horrid pain from exploding in my paw like wildfire.

The pain was blinding. Almost immediately, my breath quickened. I had to get to the medicine den.

The colder ground helped a little. My front right paw was the one in distress. It felt like the muscle inside was melting, erupted in flames, burning my bone to a crisp and scorching my skin.

That's a little extreme for moving pains right?

The den looked like it was five fox lengths away, but it was two tail lengths in reality. I was passing the fresh kill pile when I got worried glances from some of the Warriors. I didn't want anyone to notice, but I bet a cringing mentally ill apprentice is pretty... obscure.

How did all this even start? I just want to be practicing my newly learned skills...

Or wad it not my place as a warrior apprentice? I hope not.

Nothing hurt yesterday, right? Or did it?

Did I forget? Barkpaw said I would have memory loss as I grew older. But I was a new apprentice, two days older than six moons. That clearly couldn't be enough, but I'm not a medicine cat, I'm the patient. I let them do what they do.

Then, I recalled Brightleaf saying something about symptoms coming early. That had to be it!

My mental state hadn't even struck a single thought in my mind over the last moon, but why does it have to start now...?

Knowing my bad luck, I'm probably going to be seriously damaged and get stuckin training to be a medicine cat. And poking at herbs isn't my type of lifestyle.

I want to be a wild warrior, free in the trees and shrubs. I want to stalk at night and pounce upon an enemy warrior, for even considering attacking us in any way.

After what seemed like an eternity, I made it to the medicine den. "Barkpaw," My voice was hoarse.

"Frostpaw!" He turned and looked at me, a rush of fright showing on his face.

I limped over to a nest and flopped down, closing my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

I bet I looked fine, externally.

Brightleaf poked in, tilting her head inquisitively and striding to me.

I signaled to my right paw, my face mashing up in pain. I thought she'd gotten it already. Wasn't it obvious?

"I can tell. So how did it happen, or are you too weak to talk?''

I looked at her sharply, hoping to give off the impression I could talk but didn't want to.

"Well, go on. I don't have all day."

"I can... but don't... want to."

My sounds projection wad p was very poor. She had to deal with it, I suppose.

"You spoke, you explain."

I lowered my eyes. This wasn't the kindhearted Brightleaf I remember as a kit, but this was a stricter medicine cat testing the limits of her patients.

"I woke up... stood and fiery pain..." If she could tell my voice was in such a condition, why did she want me to talk? It's just plain mouse brained.

"It's not real pain, Frostpaw, but it's psychological pain. Otherwise known as mental. Here, let me give you... feverfew, it should help your head stop playing tricks on you. Well, not exactly, but it's close enough. You need some sleep, so," She turned her head back a little and grabbed a paw full of poppy seeds. "Have some of these, they should help."

I looked at her, then the seeds. I ate them hesitantly, fighting past the pain that shot through my body when I had to crunch each seed.

Brightleaf looked at me, somewhat hopefully. But why?

"Now you get some sleep. I'll check on you in the morning."

Why the morning? It's not even sunhigh and I need to sleep all day today and night? That's really... long.

But without protesting, I closed my eyes and drifted in to a soft, restless sleep.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but wake up to the bustling noise of the camp, only being told to go back to sleep every time I was caught awake.

Sleeping through the night was easier. With the cool temperatures, I could stay in such a relaxed state. For the longest time, I didn't even understand it.

What is relaxed? What is... what is...

What is anything? My eyes flickered open and I sprawled out in my nest. This time and this time only, nothing hurt. My body had felt like I was laying on a big ball of cotton. I was... in some way distant from the herb scented world.

And I liked it.

In the morning, Barkpaw came in to check on me. His jaw dropped when he saw me laying about, eyes wide open, giving the impression something was wrong. I didn't hear him well, all I heard was... I don't even know what their called. I recollect... Brightfeather, I think her name was, saying I'd hear voices.

The voices... they were so... so loud. They blocked out every sense of reality I had left.

Bright... Bright- whatever came in by me, and saw my eyes staring distantly away, and I could feel the room get tense.

The voices got louder and I felt a paw prod me. I don't want to leave! No, stop! Please!

I was back in the real world, but I have no idea where I am.

"Frostpaw?" A light voice sounded from somewhere above me.

I sat up quickly. I looked around, frightened. Who were these two cats? I looked outside my den and flattened my ears. Who were all these weird cats? More importantly, who was this... this Frostpaw?

I looked at the two cats, my eyes showing no emotion. "Where am I?"

The brown one looked at Bright-whatever and shared an emotion, I just couldn't tell what.

Where was I and who were these strange cats?


	8. Chapter 7

**Hehe! At the end of this chapter, I'll be announcing my new co-writer. Here's what you'll do- give ideas and feedback, write chapters whenever you wish, and basically whatever co-writers do, I'm new to this popular story scene :P**

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"Frostpaw, you're in ShadowClan, in the medicine den. Do you... do you remember my name?" The brown one looked at me, obviously really worried.

I shook my head.

"Come on, try."

I looked at him in return, and felt my jaw part. "Brownpaw."

He flattened his ears and looked at the other one. "What about her? Take a guess."

"B... Bright something."

A small light appeared in his eyes. "Good! Our names are Barkpaw and Brightleaf. I'm Barkpaw."

"Hello."

He smiled and waved his tail.

"Now. Tell me everything you remember."

"I remember that your names are Brightleaf and Barkpaw, and my name is Frostpaw. Also that this is ShadowClan. You... you said it."

A look of disappointment appeared on his face.

"Nothing else?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to disappoint them, really, but I honestly couldn't say much else.

"Well," Brightleaf said, "Get ready for a lesson."

Apparently I'm an apprentice in ShadowClan named Frostpaw, my mentor is one of the best, most patient warriors in the clan, named Thunderstrike, and my mother was exiled. My father is named Whitetail, and he's the deputy.

I have three siblings, Moonpaw, Silverpaw, and Mistpaw.

My friend is Sootpaw.

But I can't stop myself from wondering how I got the way I am. I apparently was attacked when I was a kit.

I need... need...

Revenge.

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**Im gonna end it here. Im running short on ideas, but I've got a good one for next chapter. It should be 2k-5k words long, which is my I stopped here. Congrats, J.R Marsden!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hello! Big thanks to J.R Marsden (aka my lovely co-writer) for writing this chapter! Sorry for it coming out so late... :( Hope you enjoy it! It's longer than usual... ;)**

Barkpaw and Brightleaf kept me in the medicine den for...precautionary measures. Three days, to be exact, or so they told me.

I actually don't remember much about what all went on in there during my stay. Not surprising, I guess, but not exactly convenient either.

Actually, it was incredibly _in_convenient.

I was as oblivious as a mouse.

I still feel vengeful though. I mean, someone _did _do this to me, right? Something had to be done about it. And Stonestar certainly wasn't going to go after some enemy cat for one apprentice. That was just..._stupid._

"Frostpaw?" My friend - Sootpaw was her name? - nudged me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just thinking."

"About?"

"...Things."

Way to go, Frostpaw. Totally a convincing answer. Sootpaw blinked once, but she didn't bother to ask me what 'things' I was thinking about. Maybe she thought I forgot what I was thinking about? A part of me hoped not; I wasn't _that_ dumb.

Even so, on the topic of convenience, her not pestering me was _very_ convenient.

Explaining my want for vengeance might have come off as a bit weird, especially since I had no idea what warrior or what clan did this to me. Or even when it happened.

One of the warriors had started taking interest in me. I don't remember her, really, not her name. She was a senior warrior though, I think.

Oh, yeah. Sharpclaw.

I remember her now, vaguely, very, _very_ vaguely. Calico. Senior warrior. Why'd I remember her when I forgot my own name? Really, I don't know.

She has two distinguishing features though, which might be reasons why I remember her. Her claws were very long and sharp, and there was this scar on her stomach. A twisted, ugly mass of flesh. It was debilitating too, I think, but I don't remember how.

Speaking of which, there she is now, coming out of Stonestar's den alongside the named leader. I paused and stared at them for a moment...

Were they a thing?

"Have you talked to Sharpclaw at all?" Sootpaw asked casually, though somehow still taking me by surprise. A part of me wants to say yes - she seems like a cat everyone has talked to - but that would be lying. I wasn't a liar.

"No, why?"

"Just wondering. She watches you a lot, not creepily or anything, but like she's watching out for you. Thought maybe you guys had talked at some point."

No, Sootpaw. I only ever talk to you and the medicine cats. No one else likes me. That's what I wanted to say, but I have enough grace to hold my tongue.

Maybe it was something to look into, though. Maybe Sharpclaw was someone who'd help on my vengeance mission?

Doubt that, especially if she and Stonestar _do_ have a thing going on. I don't know for sure though, and I don't feel like asking.

Oh look. She's coming over here.

"Frostpaw, I want you to come out with me for a bit, if you aren't busy?"

Sootpaw shot me a look that said "that's not a request she's asking, it's an order". Betting she's right, I nod to the warrior, and without any sort of acknowledgement Sharpclaw turned and walked briskly to the main entrance. I had to run to catch up.

For reasons I couldn't explain, this she-cat - this warrior of supposed legendary status and a possible-maybe mate of Stonestar - made me nervous. Actually, I'm pretty sure I just explained myself, thinking about it.

Legendary status. Possible mate to the leader. She was important without a doubt.

I wonder if all cats feel like this around her?

"How's training coming along for you?" Sharpclaw's question was almost rhetorical; I'm pretty positive she knows _exactly _how it's going.

"Okay, for everything going on, I think…"

The calico stopped for a moment, her long, pointed ears suddenly alert. The form of a cat moved in the brush, but the warrior didn't make chase. I wonder why?

"Suppose it is," she agrees eventually, as if comforted the stranger has gone from the region. She looks at me with a glint in her yellow-green eyes. "Thunderstrike's a wonderful mentor, patient and understanding, hmm? He's one of the best in the clan."

"I guess…"

Honestly, I don't even remember him. Not much anyways. Sharpclaw flicked her shoulder past my shoulder.

"I think you need something different in a mentor, though, which is not at all going against him." Sharpclaw looked me down right in the eye. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to be my apprentice?"

Me? Sharpclaw's apprentice?

Yeah, I realized she had an interest in me, but for this?

I don't respond. I don't know how to respond.

"It's just something to think about. Thunderstrike's more known for patience than me, but I've worked with many more apprentices than he, apprentices with debilitations. I'm convinced I can help you." She pauses, then presses her muzzle to my head. "Think on it. I'm in no rush."

With that, the great Sharpclaw was gone.

What an odd conversation.

"Moonstone tonight, Barkpaw."

"I know. Already prepared to head out."

Brightleaf's brilliant green eyes shown in the moonlight, silvery whiskers twitching in amusement. "As you normally are."

While her words were very much true, Barkpaw was prepared to head out so quickly for a different reason. He was nervous, anxious, _worried._ It was StarClan who had warned him of Frostpaw's ailment, but little had been done to help him through this. Spottedleaf had told him specifically to watch over Frostpaw, but he was a mere apprentice. What was he to do on his own?

Care for her. That's what he had deducted. Watch her grow, be there for her. And he was. He did his best to be the best confidant, the best friend he could possibly be to her. He constantly presented himself in such a manner so that she could willingly approach him if she needed anything.

Was that all he was supposed to do?

It seemed there was so much more to it than just that, though. Like something else resulted in her misfortune, or her misfortune was to lead to something else. Whatever 'something' it was, it was greater than just a bit of damage to the mind.

"Barkpaw, you coming?"

The light brown tom shook his head clear of the worrying thoughts. StarClan was sure to give him answers. They had to. They possibly couldn't have expected him to do this alone.

The journey to Fourtrees was quiet, with neither medicine cat nor apprentice making conversation, both obviously thinking along the same lines of their most recent trial. The other medicine cats - or most of them, anyways - were already waiting for them there. As Brightleaf went to greet Gorseheart and Meadowsong, the medicine cats of RiverClan and ThunderClan, Barkpaw made his way to the only other apprentice medicine cat, purring warmly in greeting.

"Hello, Owlpaw,"

The fluffy white tom's wide yellow eyes gleamed, a purr sprouting from the back of his throat. "Hi, Barkpaw. Clan well?"

Barkpaw was quick to decide against telling the soft-spoken apprentice of Frostpaw. "Things are going great in ShadowClan, thankfully. And you?"

"Same here." Owlpaw's plumey tail curled over his back in contentment. "It's great to have the clans at peace for once. Less work for us."

Purring his agreement, Barkpaw walked alongside the white furred apprentice as Brightleaf signaled it was time to go. While he didn't know Owlpaw on a personal level, Barkpaw was always intrigued by the tomcat. He had heard rumors at Gatherings that Owlpaw had been taken and declawed as a kit, and decided those rumors must have been true when he first realized that he never saw a glint at the ends of the tom's paws, not even when he was climbing. It was peculiar, and often times Barkpaw wondered if the declawed Owlpaw could have possibly become a warrior if he worked hard enough.

Like the trek to Fourtrees, the journey to Mothermouth was quiet and undisturbed save the occasional playful banter between Meadowsong and Brightleaf. Barkpaw felt his friend's pelt brush his as they walked uphill, most likely seeking a shoulder to lean on as they walked upwards, not having any claws to help balance himself. Barkpaw was happy to assist, letting the white-furred apprentice lean against him until the dusty ground leveled out.

They waited outside the cave entrance for a short time, with the older cats talking amongst each other and the apprentices grooming their fur of the dust they had collected on the journey, wanting to look presentable before StarClan. Gorseheart eventually signaled for them to move in, and after what seemed like a moon of waiting, the brilliance of the Moonstone became known to them, the large rock turned silver as the moon poured down on it, as if reflecting every star their ancestors possessed. Barkpaw didn't think he would ever get over the beauty of it.

The apprentice made his way forward, touching his nose to the stone and allowing his body to fall into deep slumber.

He woke in StarClan.

Barkpaw waited respectfully where he had woken, sitting with his tail wound about his paws. Normally, StarClan cats came to him, be it ancestors of his own clan or other clans, like Spottedleaf of ThunderClan. But none came this time. Instead, the vision of StarClan's peaceful grounds faded, and he was taken to a darker part of his mind, a darker vision. Frostpaw's eyes gleamed with the need for revenge, a revenge she would never forget, no matter how far gone her mind went. He claws glinted red, blood reflecting the light of the moon. As the terrible dream faded, a voice echoed in his mind, a familiar, golden voice that belonged to the one who first warned him of Frostpaw's trials.

"_Watch over her, Barkpaw. Be the comfort of her misery, before she becomes the legend of a tale she will come to regret."_

Then, the light faded, and Barkpaw awoke in a daze by the Moonstone.

He knew nothing of misery. How was he to comfort her of it if he had no idea what such a thing felt like? He looked to Owlpaw, the only other peer of his that had a bit of misery of his own. Suddenly, he wondered if today, StarClan had given him his answer.

Maybe learning about how Owlpaw coped would help him understand?

It was worth a try, the brown tom decided.

I can't sleep.

Surprising? No.

I'm still thinking, trying to remember things and failing. What did Sharpclaw want me to think about again?

Bah. This is pointless.

I stand carefully from my nest, not wanting to wake anyone, and make my way out, squeezing through a hole in the den wall I thankfully _did_ remember. Strange, isn't it, how even I can remember things that are important to the moment?

I decided a walk in the forest would help me considerably. A walk alone, without someone talking to me, without somebody asking about training or how I'm doing.

I just want to _think_.

The crisp night air was relaxing, and the scent of pines was welcoming. I always loved the forest. It didn't judge me like my siblings did, or like everybody else did, except maybe Barkpaw.

Suddenly, there's a rustle in the brush, and out jumps an unfamiliar cat. Squeaking (so kittish of me, I know) I jumped back, claws unsheathing and fur bristling. I hope I look threatening enough; no one dares to trespass on my territory!

Turns out, the invader is a smoky gray tomcat, dark, and only visibly thanks to the moon above, no older than me, I think. The cat blinks his pale green eyes, sitting up appropriately.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I was hunting and didn't see you there."

Deciding he wasn't a danger, I let my fur lie flat and retract my claws. Shame, really. I want to see if I can defend myself with this messed paw and jaw of mine. Probably can't.

"My name's Howler. I travel around a lot." The smoky-gray tom puffed his chest out pridefully. "What's your name?"

Do I respond?

I guess so. I mean, while I remember my name.

"Frostpaw." Howler's green eyes twinkled.

"Say, you're one of them warrior kitties, right? My mama always told me about them."

We talked for a while that night, actually. He was a nice cat, reminded me of a more carefree Barkpaw. He might've been a rogue, but I was happy to call him a friend.


	10. Authors Note

Hi! I just felt that it was necessary for me to put up a little note...

I'm going through some... weird, things right now, and I don't have enough time to write.

I don't want to stop writing, but its going to significantly **_slow down._**

A little note for my lovely J.R, if you'd like, you can write chapters and send them to me. I don't want to sound like I'm using you, so it's up to you my friend!

Thanks everyone, have a wonderful rest of your day.


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